When Your Opinion Is Not Helpful

Ray Rice, Running Back of the NFL Baltimore Ravens, and
his wife, Janay Rice

Social media has made far too many of us talking heads. In an anonymous fashion and sometimes with cruel words, we post opinions on any and every thing. When we were young and one of our "friends" offered an opinion that the majority did not agree with, we would say, "So what, it's a free country!" Yes, free speech is definitely a right. However, when it comes to #domesticviolence and the victims of domestic violence in particular, our words can have more of an effect than we are aware of. Remember, when you publish something on social media, it lives on in perpetuity.

One in three women have experienced physical violence by an intimate partner. The next time you are walking down the street or sitting in a movie theater or church, count the women you see and think, statistically, every third woman has experienced some form of #domesticabuse. Further, 3.2 million women have experienced severe physical violence by an intimate partner. (1) Unfortunately, approximately 1300 people per year will lose their lives to domestic violence. (2)

I, like some of you, have family members and friends who were in physically abusive relationships and it was not an easy thing for them to just get up and leave. As Beverly Gooden said in the video below, they were emotionally attached to their abuser. Thankfully, they all survived the domestic abuse and they are not in those relationships today. 

Contrary to what social media would have you to believe, everyone in these types of relationships are not stupid or "crazy". The victims span all races and socioeconomic groups. Criticizing their choices or calling them (the victims) stupid is not helpful and does not encourage them to make positive changes in their lives. Negative reinforcement is not helpful to abuse victims. In fact, it may cause them to be more depressed and stuck in their current situation. It also may force them to take the side of the abuser. (See the video below for some advice from Beverly Gooden, a former domestic violence victim, and Dr. Phil on what abuse victims can do to get out of their situation and how someone can be helpful to an abuse victim.

On my soap box...

No. 1--Some (not all) of the negative things we say on social media about people should be reserved for the "ears" of our nearest and dearest friends and not published for the world to see in perpetuity. Words have power, use them wisely. 

No. 2--While I will not offer an opinion on Ray and Janay Rice's situation because its not my place to make a judgement on their marriage and family, I do believe that people should never stay in abusive situations. One's personal safety (and the safety of their children) should be the most important factor in their decision-making. 

No. 3--People can change. We have the power to make changes in our lives. I believe that God can change a person's heart and mind. God can also empower us to do the things we need to do to make lasting changes in our lives. Counseling, prayer, discipline and accountability to a partner or group are tools that can help us sustain the change we seek.

...Off the soap box

--@vnona

Beverly Gooden, Domestic Violence Survivor talks about her
experience on Good Morning America with Robin Roberts

_____________
1. National Coalition Against Domestic Violence Website--Fact Sheet 
2. ClickToEmpower.org

September 11, 2014--We Have Not Forgotten You...

On a summer day much like today in September 2001, our nation was changed forever. We shall not forget...

Show What You Are Made Of...Jill Abramson

"And now I’m talking to anyone who’s been dumped! You bet! Not gotten the job you really wanted or received those horrible rejection letters from grad school. You know the sting of losing or not getting something you badly want. When that happens, show what you are made of. 

…it was the honor of my life to lead the newsroom."

--Jill Abramson, Executive Editor of the New York Times (2011 – 2014)

*You are invited to join WOMEN AT LIBERTY for a Twitter Chat (@womenatliberty) Friday, 5/23, 3-4 pm to discuss girls and women succeeding leadership.  #WWYD2H (What Would You Do To Help) We will also discuss why the Nigerian girls becoming "smartgirls" made them such a threat to terrorists in Nigeria.

What Would You Do 2 Help A Woman or Girl Succeed Against The Odds?

Please join WOMEN AT LIBERTY for a Twitter Chat (@womenatliberty) this Friday, 5/23, 3-4 pm to discuss girls and women succeeding in leadership. #WWYD2H

Would You Notice If Half Of The Fans Of Your Favorite Team Did Not Show Up To Cheer For A Playoff Game?

#Healthcare fact: 45,000 people die in the US every year due to a lack of health insurance?

That's like more than 50% of the Cowboys fans suddenly disappearing during a game with Washington's NFL team. Or 2/3 of the 67,000 fans known as the Seattle Seahawks' beloved "12th man" not showing up to cheer for their Superbowl Champs. A few weeks ago, Senators Bernie Sanders (I-VT) and Richard Burr (R-NC), Chair and Ranking Member, respectively, of the Primary Health and Aging Subcommittee (Senate's Health, Education, Labor, and Pensions Committee), held a Hearing on "Access & Cost: What the U.S. Health Care System Can Learn from Other Countries".

Now before you dismiss the premise of this Hearing thinking that the United States has the best healthcare system in the world, think about this: The United States has the highest per capita health care costs of any 1st world country, but it lags far behind these countries when it comes to health outcomes. In fact, France, which spends 1/2 of what the U.S. spends per capita in healthcare costs, has the highest longevity for women. Only Japan ranks better in this measure. Infant deaths per 1000 live births are almost 50% less in France than the U.S. France, Denmark, Canada, & Taiwan offer universal health insurance coverage. On par, their health outcomes are significantly better. And again, their costs are less.

One substantial complaint about health care in the previously mentioned countries is the wait times for treatment. During the Hearing, one witness testified that her mother died of colon cancer because of a late diagnosis. She attributed that to the fact that the doctor was unwilling to order the necessary tests because of her mother's age. The fact that anyone would die because they did not receive available care that would have prolonged their life is sad and regrettable. While it's true long wait times can adversely affect health outcomes, overall Canada has better health outcomes than the U.S. 

The Affordable Care Act (#ACA) gets us closer than we have ever been to providing universal coverage. According to News reports today, if you try to sign up by the deadline of March 31st and you encounter problems, the Obama Administration will extend you additional time to complete the process. (Check healthcare.gov for further information.) Let's make sure we take advantage of this opportunity to ensure we not only have access to healthcare, but also have access to screenings and advanced diagnostics tests like MRIs. 

Let's Stay Together...Happy Black Marriage Day!

Sharing 3/23/14's Motivational Moment in celebration of National Black Marriage Day!

I, I'm so in love with you

Whatever you want to do is all right with me

'Cause you make me feel so brand new

And I want to spend my life with you

Let me say that since, baby, since we've been together

Loving you forever is what I need

Oh let me be the one you come running to

I'll never be untrue

Oh let's, let's stay together...

_________________________________________________________________

Happy National Black Marriage Day!!

Dedication to all of the families who are doing
what it takes to stay and grow together!

Leadership Tuesdays: Global Mentoring Walk hosted by Vital Voices

In celebration of International Women's Day on March 8, 2014, Vital Voices, headquartered in Washington, D.C., hosted a Global Mentoring Walk in several cities including Washington, D.C. Leadership Tuesdays was on location talking with Gigi Scoles, Human Rights Director, about the event and their organization. See the video below. 

   

 Every other Tuesday, WOMEN AT LIBERTY presents Leadership Tuesdays, a platform for a variety of voices and resources to develop, encourage, and strengthen women leaders. For more information on Leadership Tuesdays and our recent features please visit our website, womenatliberty.com.